Three Tricks for Dealing with Moms Who Want to Tear You Down (or Why You Should Build a Blanket Fort
About a month into the coronavirus lockdowns, several of my friends were actively freaking out online as they struggled to work from home while also making sure their kids were getting an education. Many schools hadn’t even decided on an online format at that point, and parents were rightfully concerned. As I kept seeing the social media posts of parents on the verge of a mental breakdown, I put my years of homeschooling experience to use and made this simple suggestion:
Let them build a blanket fort.
If there is anything I’ve learned about my children being taught at home, it is this: If momma is stressed, children pick up on it and often become stressed themselves, and no one can retain information in that environment. While we’ve tried different tactics over the years, a tried and true one is to take a few hours (or even a day) off, and an easy distraction that gets them to still use their brain is building a fort.
Well, several people supported my idea, most didn’t respond, and a couple … well, a couple acted like I had suggested they sacrifice their children to pagan gods. Okay, maybe not that bad, but they were extremely rude, saying I didn’t know what it was like to work from home (umm, I have my own business as well as leadership roles in several nonprofits) and that I had never had to juggle my job with teaching. (Been doing that for years, thanks.) I didn’t respond in kind, though, because I knew these women were reacting from a place of fear. They weren’t really angry with me; they were mad and feeling helpless. Still, they could have done better.
And I’m not going to lie – their ugliness hurt. Especially when about 6 weeks later, IKEA came out with instructions on how to build a fort in your home, and those same women were all over it. One even posted gleeful photos of how great the idea had been for her family. And that’s when it hit me: women should be even more supportive of other women now more than ever, but you’ll always run into the naysayers. So here’s how to deal with it.
1. You don’t have to answer every question. This was a hard one for me. If they ask the question on social media, they want an answer, right? Turns out, most of the time, no. They are asking to have their own viewpoint validated. So if you know your well-meaning advice is going to be attacked, save yourself the heartache and scroll on by.
2. Surround yourself with people who respect you, even if your views are different from theirs. We are fairly good at doing this in person, but most of us stink at it on social media … and that’s where people love to tear us down. You don’t need a huge inner circle (in fact, mine is fairly small), but having people you can share anything with, even if you disagree, will keep your emotional and mental health in a good state.
3. Let it out. It’s okay to have a cry or get mad over being treated unfairly, as long as you work through that and find a positive solution. I find it helps to have my husband or a trusted friend as a sounding board. And getting upset doesn’t mean you are weak; in fact, it shows you truly care versus the person who felt the need to be a keyboard warrior. Those failings are on them, not you.
If all else fails, I’m here for you. I know that hurt. I’ll be supportive, but I’ll also be honest with you. And I can give you some killer ideas for your next blanket fort.
If you want to join a like-minded, supportive community, we would love to have you join us at Old Souls with New Ways.
Years ago, when we first made the decision to homeschool, one of the first things we did was to plant a butterfly garden. The kids had so much fun choosing plants and seeds, and I let them plant without any particular plan in mind. Every year we add a few more plants, but this year we are really upping our game, hopeful for a bustling butterfly location. Since so many people are becoming aware of the importance in supporting pollinator populations, I thought some simple tips would help you get started.
1. Know your growing zone. If you’ve never gardened before, a simple online search will tell you what the zone is for where you live. Fortunately, many butterfly-friendly plants are hardy across several zones, so you’ll have plenty from which to choose. It is a suggestion because you don’t want to invest your time and energy into a gorgeous plant that really only likes to grow in Florida if you live in Maine.
2. Decide your feelings about native versus non-native plants. Some people have VERY strong opinions on this subject, so be forewarned before you engage in online conversation on this topic. There are many wildflowers and local options if you want to stick with those. My personal thought (which counts for nothing, so feel free to ignore it) is that weather can often cause butterflies to be off course of their usual areas, so I plant a variety of host and nectar plants.
3. Choose both host and nectar plants, as well as some resting spots. What the heck does that mean, you ask? Host plants provide places for butterflies to lay their eggs, and some also give the caterpillars food to eat as they grow. Nectar plants provide the nutrition to the butterflies once they undergo metamorphosis. Resting spots, such as rocks or a small birdbath, provide downtime from flapping those beautiful wings.
Need help deciding? There are so many plants from which to choose, so here are a few of my favorites. I love mixing in herbs with flowers!
Host plants: parsley, dill, fennel, Baptisia
Nectar plants: butterfly bush, purple coneflower, bee balm, black-eyed Susan, sedum, zinnias, yarrow, verbena, lantana, salvia, cleome, common sage
Both: butterfly weed, aster, Angelica, perennial snapdragons, daisies
If you want a more organized butterfly garden, you can find lots of free plans online. For a free printable garden journal, you can find a great one here.
Happy planting! Please send me photos of your wonderful creations!
UPDATED: This will walk you through the process in about 15 minutes!
As of right now, this is simply something I created to have a blog post published that I can use as an example on Canva. I'll come back and add a link to the video so you can see just how easy it is to integrate your Pinterest and Canva accounts!
What you'll need:
Canva account (free or pro)
Business Pinterest account
Something you wish to link to a Pin
A mind and heart ready to have some creative fun!
I recently lost someone very dear to me. While the world would have called us friends, there is a circle of people who well understood that we were really family.
Her loss has devastated me. Twenty-five years ago, she and her blood family gave a young, lonely college student a home-away-from-home. What started out as a weekend job grew into a lasting bond. Losing such a fixture as that rocks your world to its very core.
This loss was compounded by current coronavirus orders and suppositions. I wasn’t able to do my random drop-by visits that we both so enjoyed. Knowing others stole that time from us makes the grief even more mind-numbing.
I’m usually one of those people that tackles difficult things head-on. Doing, helping, and supporting helps me to heal, but in this case, that was all taken away. I sat for the first few days, barely having the energy to lift my arm to take a drink of water. Forget eating or sleeping well because none of that was happening.
I realized I was going to have to do something to start processing my grief. While tears can be healing, I was simply wallowing in them. Here are some simple things I’m doing to begin healing my heart.
- Talk to people. I know, that sounds obvious, but in these days of so much isolation, it is more important than ever. There was no gathering when my friend died, no plans for a funeral. I so desperately needed human contact and to speak with people who knew her. Phone calls became my lifeline of sharing memories, telling hilarious stories, and chatting about what an amazing cook she was. Yes, I sobbed through many of these conversations, but it was incredibly therapeutic. I will say, though, I was selective with whom I spoke. Having people ask if it was due to corona or blow off my anger at not being able to see her would not have benefitted me in the least, so I only called people who would be a genuine source of support.
- Listen to your loved one’s voice. If you have a recording, voicemail message, or video, take the time to hear their words. Photographs are great, too, for reliving positive memories, but there is just something about hearing the person’s voice. It can make you feel closer to them and not quite so alone.
- Enjoy something they created or an activity you did together. This doesn’t have to be complicated. Maybe it’s a Christmas card from five years ago with a handwritten message. Perhaps you had some favorite songs you listed to together. It could be a favorite shared recipe or some really corny joke. In my case, my friend made bird feeders and have given me several. I filled those up right before a big snow storm, and for days I was able to enjoy watching the birdies and remembering how much she enjoyed spending time in her workshop.
The biggest thing to remember is something everyone says but you don’t really understand until you are in the throes of it: the grieving process is different for everyone, and that’s okay. There is no wrong way to do this, as long as you are taking care of yourself physically and emotionally and not harming others. If the steps above don’t speak to you, listen to your heart and find what does. And if you need a listening ear, I’m here for you.
If you need a place to share ideas about preserving knowledge of the past while putting your own modern twist on things, I would love to have you join us in Old Souls with New Ways.
